her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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