Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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