he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
