Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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