Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize