I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
