WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
