so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
