They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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