Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
