I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize