i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
