why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
