bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize