If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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