If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Come share oat with me in your robe
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
