I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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