I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
time to smoke my breakfast
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
