Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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