question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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