Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
