Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
