I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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