Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
