Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
