I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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