is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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