I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
