My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
