There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
