well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
