My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
