Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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