I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
