U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
