if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
