i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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