I got chris browned last night
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
