He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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