Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
