A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
