What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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