he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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