well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
