handjob tips. give me some.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
