do herpes really smell.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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