Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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