I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
