she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
