I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
