She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
