We're like a lot better than the average bears
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
