Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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