just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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