it was like eating out sand paper
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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