I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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