i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
