First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize