No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
