I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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