I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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