Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
