so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
