At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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