P.S. I can't hear my feet
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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