I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
