Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
