did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
time to smoke my breakfast
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
