Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
