the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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