Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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