He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
