I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
