I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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