8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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