i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
