It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
