does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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