The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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