I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
