sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
