Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
