all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
