i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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