her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish I could teleport
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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