Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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