we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
