he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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