definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
