I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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