Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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