it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
