how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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