I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
