I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
