evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize