i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
