i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
last night I used snow as a chaser
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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