I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
