Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
